Le Tattoo?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while.. and am a little unsure of what to get.

I’ve wanted a tattoo since I was 16, but didn’t want to get something without meaning. After these last two years of my life… I think I’m ready to get something beautiful, and deep with meaning.

This beautiful piece of artwork below from a Tarot deck I desperately desire, is by the talented, and wonderful Stephanie Pui-Mun Law. Her gallery Shadowscapes is amazing, and inspiring.

This piece is the majors STAR card. The Star card is something with profound meaning to myself for many reasons

1. I’ve had several tarot card readings in my life… and the STAR card has been played in every reading.

2. The STAR is represented under the Aquarian sign, which is my sun sign

3. This story has explained the last two years of my life… the story of the STAR:

On the bleak landscape where the Tower stood, the Fool sits, empty, despairing. He hoped to find himself on this spiritual journey, but now he feels he’s lost everything, even himself. Sitting on the cold stones, he gazes up at the night sky wondering what’s left. And that is when he notices, nearby, a beautiful girl with two water urns. As he watches, she kneels by a pool of water illuminated with reflected starlight. She empties the urns, one into the pool, one onto the thirsty ground.

“What are you doing,” he asks her. She looks up at him, her eyes twinkling like stars. “I am refilling this pool, so that those who are thirsty may drink, and I am also watering the earth so that, come spring, the seeds will grow,” she tells him. And then she adds, “Come. Drink.” The Fool comes to kneel with her by the pool and drink. The water tastes wonderful, like liquid starlight. “I can see you are sad,” the girl continues, “and I know why. But you must remember that you have not lost all. Knowledge, possibilities, hope, you still have all of these. Like stars, they can lead you to a new future.” Even as she says this, she began to fade away, like dew, vanishing. All that remains is a gleam that was at the center of her forehead. This rises up and up, until it settles in the night sky as a shining star. “Follow your star,” the woman’s voice seems to sing from that light, “and have hope.” The Fool takes in a breath and rises. It is a dark night, a desolate land. But for the first time, he has a guiding light to show him the way. Distant as it is, it heals his heart, and restores his faith.

With Aquarius as its ruling sign, The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench the Querent’s thirst, with a guiding light to the future.

The Star follows the card of the Tower, so it also represents the end of a period of change and turmoil.

This is the story, and the piece that has inspired my first tattoo.

I want to get the 7 point star with water, and the similar colors of Stephanie’s piece. I also want to incorporate a few of the coy fish, since I feel really drawn to the creatures. They have some similar meanings as the STAR card itself.

I’m excited to get this underway finally! I’ll let you know how the artwork progresses.

A Period of Mourning?

The other day was definitely a day of reflection for me. I had to see my “advisers” more in that last two days than I have in my whole college career. I had to go in and get my Study Abroad application and credits signed off and get all the paper work done for. As I was in the meeting the sore subject came up of why I didn’t get into the Journalism school again! It seems that the admission board liked my essay, I had good experience, but the defining factor of my rejection was because I had too many hours. That’s right too many hours of college level courses… here’s the bitch of it all… I’m technically only a sophomore, I just have lots of credit hours from a high-school program I graduated from.

I left high school with 24 credit hours of college credit… and because I worked my ass off all high-school, I now get screwed because the admission board couldn’t read my damn transcript. When I told the adviser that it was IB (the program I was in) credit, he told me that they couldn’t tell right away on the transcript. Okay… even so, this is a 30% acceptance rate program (or lower)… could you maybe read the damn transcripts before accepting and declining people based on a little info form we fill out?

Gah!

And then… after he told me that they really didn’t spend much time on the transcripts and just looked at the bigger picture, he said if I apply again (for the 3rd time) this fall, that if I don’t get in, I HAVE to chose another major. What? Sorry I heard you wrong, I HAVE to? Well screw you, I didn’t go to this school for the pretty campus, and readily available booze, I came to the school for the program and the career I have deep interest in! I really want to learn more about this field and really understand if this is what I want to do. I could change my major to something related like communications, but I wan to learn about the creative field of Advertising. To do that I have to learn about it, in that major!

So in end all, I’m not sure if I’ll get in the 3rd time, but I hope I do, so I can get through this quickly enough to get to my masters, or even into a field I love. I’m just so done with college… or maybe it’s this college.

I find myself (after all this rejection) dreaming about a new school were I could start fresh, and get going at a school that I should’ve picked the first time. I want to take the time to chose a program that I’ll love and learn something new. Maybe I’m just ready for a change of scenery. When I think about not getting in again, I think that I would be okay with that, heck, even excited. Because that would mean that i get to do it all over again, I get to pick the right school, and start somewhere fresh! Hey it’s a trend!

So should I even worry about getting in this time around? I don’t think so… I’m kinda hoping I can start moving on…

Moving on… Am I moving on? Am I moving on from something that has been dying? I think so. I think I’m trying to move on from many things that are gone, dead, no longer there. I’m trying to move on from the peroson I’ve always been (not that I was a bad person to be), I just think I’m moving on from who I thought I was, and now that that life (my life here), and even my relationships here, are seeming to die. I’m ready to move on, I’m ready to let go and leave this period of mourning in my life.

These first two years of college have been a mourning. A mourning of my old life, my old friends, my childhood, my first love, my wonderful youth. Now that I’m on my own, I’ve had to fall several times. Now that this time is passing, I feel that I’m getting ready to fly. Whatever happens after Spain, will be the moment I can truly decide how I want to fly and where I want to fly. Whether it be San Francisco, Georgia, or even Miami, I get to chose, I get to decide how to live my life after the mourning.

It feels exactly like that, the moments after you come to terms with a loss. I’ve finally realized that the person who I was is gone, and now my mourning is over. Now I get to be who I want and enjoy my life the way I want. School or not, it’s a scary and wonderful feeling all in all.

Lady Lèvres is Alive!

Oh how I do love makeup!

I do I do Sam I am. I love the colors, the fun, the texture, the products, shapes, and techniques! I love it so much I’ve even dedicated a whole new site to it! Yep that’s right! I’ve got a whole new wonderful wordpress blog dedicated to all the wonderful products, and colors out there that I love. All the techniques I’ve learned over the years will be showcased and even some great tutorials too! My Smoky Eye Tutorial is already posted!

I’ve been doing makeup (semi-professionally) since late high school and even have done makeup for the fashion company I work for. I would love to broaden this horizon, so please come take a look and let me know!

If you ever wanna find it again, just check it out under my pages above!

Come check out my new site dedicated all to beauty!

Lady Des Lèvres

Road Less Traveled

Seems my life is little bit in an upheaval, or transition. Ya see, I’ve been (trying to be) an advertising major for some time now. I love advertising. Everything about the field. Don’t get confused that doesn’t mean I love all advertisements I love advertising because I’m both left brain and right brain. I’m business meets art school. I’ve always painted, drew, and created, and I’ve always been ambitious, goal oriented, and working girl inclined. Not that kind of working girl mind you, but the business lady of art. The more I learn about the fields, the more I job search, the more I meet agencies, the more I know I want to do this.

Advertising is what I want to do.

But there’s a catch. The ‘wonderful’ new school I go to has an advertising program, and to declare my advertising major, I have to apply to the program. I have applied 2x and have been declined 2x. Wonderful right? So here’s the problem.

I have enough credits that I am technically a Junior. That’s right people a Junior and no degree. Although in reality I’ve only been in school for 2 years now. Strange huh? I’m not really concerned with how many years college will take, just because I’m in no rush, I want to make sure I do this right. But the problem is that the school has less of a chance accepting me because I look so undirected, and because if they haven’t accepted me 2x then why the 3rd?

Since I’ve been accepted to the Study Abroad trip I’ve been dying to get, I have another semester to apply. I can apply here and stay here, and finish out the 2-year program and get the hell outta dodge. OR I can just leave their dumb asses and start fresh somewhere new at a brand new school. I’m kinda leaning toward the latter just because of all the emotional crap I’ve had to deal with because of them.

In the “end” however I’ve decided to apply while I’m away in Barcelona for a while, just because it’s not like I’m doing anything else really… and staying at this school to get my undergrad is the easiest option. Also if I don’t get accepted (which is likely) then I’m taking a semester off to look at my other options. I want to take time to pick the right school like I should’ve done in the beginning, instead of making another horrible rash choice. At least when it comes to an education.

(Don’t worry… working girl remember?… I won’t drop out after a semester off)

Either way I’m so comfortable with my choices that I’m looking up, I figure I can’t loose either way, and am exited to see what the next few years will bring me. I don’t know what other options I have, but I’ve already looked into some other great advertising undergrad programs around the country. Let me know if you have any experiences or thoughts on these.

1. Savannah College of Art & Design

2. Miami International Institute of Art  & Design

3. Texas U at Austin

4. Academy of Art University (san fran)

(there are some others I’m forgetting)

We’ll see where this all ends up… cause I sure don’t know!

you say goodbye i say hello

I’ve been lucky enough to get to finally go on my dream trip: a study abroad stay to Barcelona, Spain!

Seeing how travel is my true passion, you can only image how happy, content and just all over happy I am. So content even to let usually crushing things in my life not affect me in any negative way. I’m so amazed! Lately (this last year) when the littlest bump in the road comes my way I usually freak out or get really anxious and depressed. But for some miraculous reason, since I found out I was going on this trip my horizon seemed to clear up…

Okay maybe its just the nice weather lately, but really I feel so lightened. Like the horrible, sad things can’t even bring me down.

For example my dearest (and lovely) hamster (Boo) of 2 yrs finally passed away on Friday morning. I knew he was going soon, he was not eating as much, sleeping way longer than usual, and less responsive. It was sad to say goodbye, but in a weird way he was a part of my whole last 2 years of struggle and depression. He was there when I left Scott for 4 months, made one wrong choice after another, and moved 6 times in one year. He saw me through bad roommates, horrible downs and ups, and through every moment of self-doubt and questions. It was like saying goodbye to a dear friend who saw me through all of it.

It’s so strange that right at this moment when my life is in the most upheavial, change, and transition from one phase to another, and just about to settle on the most clearest path I’ve seen for a long time, that he had to go. It was sort of the closing of a chapter. 

I said goodbye to Boo, goodbye to uncertainty, self-doubt, depression, and lacking confidence…

and HELLO! to my future life in Spain, my (maybe) new school, new career (more info later), and Scott’s new chapter too. I got my last check (which was large) and instead of saving it for my credit plan, I went out and spent it all! It all! I spent it on new things just for me. I said hello to who I wanted to be, and I was finally getting closer and closer to the happy, funny, friendly, and ambitious, clear person I used to be.

I think summer (and fall ;) will be good to me.